Something was always stirring inside of me even at a very early age. Questions were being asked through feelings and without language which left an energy that caused a process of intense entelechy to start and result in an intentional mode of searching in my late teens. I guess it could be called the search for truth which I was involved in for the next forty years until I realised it was a hive into nothing, not because I was doing it wrong but because it could not be done at all. I realised that truth could not be found, it could only be uncovered and thereby discovered.
At this point a new search started which was the search for untruth.
Everything that I thought I had learned was just a worthless addition to the monumental hard drive which was called me. How to undo it all was now the priority.
Jed McKenna said one could start anywhere in the process of autolysis but I figured it would be best to start at the original mistake, delusion or indeed the real original sin which was the belief in a me, the start of the illusory story.
My theory was that if you uproot the foundation of untruth then the whole building would collapse in on itself. That process happened exactly that way.
Partly an intentional collapse and mainly by unintentional violent explosions which brought the whole house down. Being at the bottom of a very deep hole with absolutely no light brought about the necessity for one of two decisions.
Physical death or spiritual rebirth. The choice was obvious. The Journey Beyond the Self.